Ever since I can remember I have always been an overachiever. If I had an A in school I felt like I could have an A+, if I made the step team I felt like I should strive to be the lead stepper, If my brother carried 2 bags of groceries I should carry 3. I've always felt as though there was more I could be doing to better myself. As I have gotten older the overachiever in me has transitioned into anxiety.
Throughout my 20's I have always struggled with being hard on myself for not being where I want to be as opposed to acknowledging how far I've come. I have always felt as though if I'm not where I want to be I can't take the time out to REALLY enjoy life. This type of anxiety is mentally exhausting and every now and again causes me to "shut down" aka go inside of my own head (not good) and try to "figure out" aka stress about how much more productively I could be using my time. When I get like this, it makes me feel like if there are 24 hours in a day then I need to be working 23 of them or why go out and enjoy an activity when I'm not where I want to be . It affects my overall mood and my mood towards others.
The most frustrating part is trying to get others to understand your "shut down." Especially when they look at your life and the things you are doing from an outside perspective and feel as though you're doing great. Le' Struggle gets REALLY real sometimes. I'm choosing to write about this at this particular time because this week I have been very close to "shut down" mode.
My suggestion to anyone who experiences the same type of anxiety is to understand that, with anything in life, you can only do the best you can with what you have and let God do what you can't do. At the end of the day no matter what your goals and aspirations in life are, what's meant for you will not pass you by." Chill baby girl, life was designed to work out in your favor.
Trying to Live in my Dreams,